This is partly to be blamed on the US Figure Skating Twitter Account

Who during the Olympic ice dancing competition challenged us to replace words in song titles with “twizzle.”  It was then that this first popped into my head.  But it was also all the pairs that have broken up(so far!) this summer that drove me around the bend enough to actually write it.

Also a special thanks to a certain ONSEMIRO, who here provided some extra context that was useful(I knew the basic meaning of the song already, but it helped me pinpoint the satire and better try to preserve some of it), and especially the kind of meaningful translation  without which I could not have done this:

I’ve got twizzle style!
Twizzle style!

I’m seeking a girl who can spend her days in ice rinks
A classy girl who can afford to pay a few expenses
A girl who in the month of March just wants to do some traveling
A girl with those kinds of attractions

I’m a dancing guy
A dancing guy who’s in the rinks like you
A dancing guy from a small country in Eastern Europe
The kind of place that gives free passports out to the right girls
A dancing guy, looking for that girl

I’ve been looking for such a partner
It can be you! Hey!
I know it’s you!
Such a beauty can come skate with me
We could win gold! Hey!
Could we win gold? Hey!
Or at least make the tech minimum for Worlds?

I’ve got twizzle style! Twizzle style!
I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve got twizzle style! Twizzle style!
I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve got twizzle style!

Hey, sparkly lady! I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve got twizzle style!
Hey, sparkly lady! I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve,
Hey hey hey! Hey hey Hey!

I like a girl who’s light enough that I can lift her higher
A girl who holds on to her skate when bent into a circle
A girl who covers 50 percent of herself exactly
I like a girl with skills like those ones

I’m a dancing guy
A guy who looks good when my chest is bared
A dancing guy, who does all the steps real slow for level 4
A dancing guy, with a hip coach who knows what gets all the points
A dancing guy, looking for that girl

I’ve been looking for such a partner
It can be you! Hey!
I know it’s you!
Such a beauty can come skate with me
We could win gold! Hey!
Could we win gold? Hey!
Or at least make the tech minimum for Worlds?

I’ve got twizzle style! Twizzle style!
I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve got twizzle style! Twizzle style!
I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve got twizzle style!

Hey, sparkly lady! I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve got twizzle style!
Hey, sparkly lady! I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve,
Hey hey hey! Hey hey Hey!

Skating girls, you need a dancing guy
Baby baby, I’m the one who makes the ladies fly
Skating girls, you need a dancing guy
Baby baby, I can skate to make you fly
You know what I’m saying?
I’ve got twizzle style

Hey hey hey! Hey hey Hey!
Hey, sparkly lady! I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve got twizzle style!
Hey, sparkly lady! I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve,
Hey hey hey! Hey hey Hey!
I’ve got twizzle style!

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