Dancing With the Stars, Season 19, Week 1, Results

The first non-finale Dancing With the Stars results show in three seasons starts with a number by the female pros, dancing on stage against a background almost as bright as they are.  Then we have a general recap of last night, with comments from multiple sources, including competitors from previous seasons who came to watch.  Then Julianne(of course) gets a chance to comment about her first night as a permanent member of the panel, before we start the results.  As has been the usual custom in recent season, they march couples out in small group to declare them safe or “in jeopardy.”

First trio of couples consists of Antonio & Cheryl , Tavis & Sharna, and Betsey & Tony.  Like they had been doing in results shows in the more recent past seasons, they recap their dances, and include moments backstage before and after not shown on TV, plus what they were saying on their mikes during the dance, so we hear how Tony tried to keep the dance going during the boa snafu.  Then he and Betsey are declared to be in jeopardy, while the other two couples are called safe.  Not really any surprise, considering how their dances went.

After which we get videos in which the female stars confess their motivations.  They range from sweet: Janel on the show for her mother, to interesting: Betsey wanted to be a rockette and couldn’t so is dancing now, to known already: Lea reiterates the story she told last night about Baryshnikov , to fair enough: Sadie wants to show the world uberChristain girls can have fun to, to weird: Lolo wants to make up for high school prom trauma.  Then just when we think there isn’t going to be a encore dance, there is one.  And it’s the one that hands down the best: Alfonso & Witney jive.

Next trio of couples: Michael & Emma, Janel & Val, and Randy & Karina.  The highlight of those recaps is getting a good look at Val’s bare abs.  But he and Janel are the couple in this group obviously not going home, so they’re called safe first.  Randy & Karina are given a moment of tension where it looks like they might be called in jeopardy, but no, they’re safe, and Michael & Emma are the ones left to sweat most of the rest of the show out.

We get a montage of male motivations, many of which we found out last night.  We do learn about Tommy Chong’s wife being a good dancer and him wanting to impress her, Antonio specifically wanting to dance with Cheryl, and that Michael’s hope that Emma will take him one step farther than she took Bill Engvall was in fact his reason for signing on.  Then we have what are actually are only music stars of the night: Smokey Robinson and Aloe Blacc advertising their for sale collaboration by singing “My Girl” together.  More importantly, Mark and Witney get to remind us of how great it always was when the pros dropped their celebrity partners and just danced with each other during the results shows, although they also remind us how annoying it was when the cameras cut away from them just to show the singers.

The top four couples are all called out together: Alfonso & Witney, Bethany & Derek, Lea & Artem, and Sadie & Mark.  We get a prayer with her father before dancing and tears after from Sadie, near tears from Alfonso and an observation that he and Witney had to perform right in front of everyone because they’d all assembled for the end of the show, and Artem informing us of his choice of underwear as the same brand Antonio has modeled.  It seems unlikely that any of these four are going home, but Lea & Artem are declared to be in jeopardy, while the other three are of course safe.

Now comes the real highlight of the evening: the new pros.  First we get information about them, accompanied by shots of them in an empty warehouse covered in baby oil and the two men shirtless.  And if that wasn’t enough eye candy for us, the three of them then come out to star in a number where they each get a solo with pairs of dancers to back them up.  And since they know we love the longtime pros, Tom then announces they have six audition videos available to show up, and gives us a commercial break in which to vote on Twitter which one of them we want to see.  Derek’s one of the six, so naturally it ends up being his.  He does look a little younger, and uses the word entertainment a lot, until he comments on it.  Derek is brought alongside Tom to watch, and he laughs and smiles like a good sport.

Back to the elimination: the finale trio is Jonathan & Allison, Lolo & Keo, and Tommy & Peta.  John calls Sadie “duck girl,” Tommy comments after Lolo finishes dancing that it’s going to be brutal, and after his own dance Peta tells him she wants to go all the way with him-on the dance floor, anyway.  Unsurprisingly, Lolo & Keo are in jeopardy and the other two safe, though they unnerve Jonathan & Allison with a long drawn-out pause.

As the last four are lined up, the uneasy thought passes through the head that neither Lea nor Artem has much of a fanbase.  Fortunately that anxiety ends quickly; they’re next to be called safe.  Michael & Emma are next.  And then for the first time in three season, we get the bottom two confirmed: Tony & Betsey and Lolo & Keo consist of it.  So we have one very cool lady with a score two points lower than a much less cool woman who has not conducted herself well.  This could go either way, but there’s a way it’s more likely to go…

And it goes that way: Lolo & Keo are out.  Lolo has the decency to observe Betsey’s boa malfunction was actually more derailing than her text malfunction anyway, but it’s rather telling when Keo’s only comment about Lolo is that she was “interesting,” and when he talks about being glad, it’s just that he got a chance to be on the show.

Next week celebrities dance to their favorite jams.  Hope they don’t all have the same one…

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